Guest Post: Stories of Healing: I’ll Be With You

My journey through grief to healing begins with my aunt. My aunt was one of the most inspirational women I have had the privilege to know. She was strong and steady. She and I were extremely close and shared many happy moments together throughout my childhood, adolescence, and adulthood. She became not only an aunt but a sister and mentor. In April 2004, my aunt was diagnosed with breast cancer. All of us who were close to her had hope that this cancer would be in remission after chemotherapy and radiation. From 2004 to 2007, my aunt fought an extremely hard battle with the cancer that had now spread to her lungs and brain. She also dealt courageously with the side effects of chemotherapy, radiation, and the numerous prescription drugs she had been prescribed. On December 24, 2007, my aunt died.

The grieving process for me began when my aunt was initially diagnosed with breast cancer. However, it progressed as I learned her condition was terminal. Between August and December 2007, I was enrolled in a master’s degree program at East Tennessee State University. During this particular semester, I was enrolled in a class that focused on group therapy. One class period, much to my surprise, I shared my grief with my classmates. As my eyes began to tear up, I remember vividly one student saying, “It is OK Cassandra (meaning it is OK to show emotion).” This opened the flood gates, and I started letting every emotion I had so protectively held inside out. I was searching for answers, suggestions, and comfort from every possible source. The product of this experience was a suggestion from one of my classmates, “Why don’t you tell your aunt how you are feeling?” I remember thinking, “WHAT??? Be honest about my feelings???” It seemed like such a radical notion.

After much questioning and consideration, I decided to be honest with my aunt about the emotions I was feeling, the fears I was encountering, and what life would be like if she died. During a visit in October, I asked my aunt to sit with me. I told her I was not ready to let her go, and I selfishly wanted her to continue living so I could have her available to me in the future. As I spoke about my thoughts and feelings, my aunt gave me a smile of understanding and comfort. See, she already knew this. My aunt already knew the struggle of grief and was relieved I had shared this with her while she was still able to offer me comfort. At this moment she put her hand in mine and said, “I’ll be with you.”

The process of healing for me was about honesty – being honest with myself and being honest with my aunt. If we are honest about the way we are feeling, we oftentimes feel vulnerable. It can be much easier to say, “I’m fine” or “I’ll be fine.” When we express what we are truly feeling inside (i.e. anger, hostility, sadness, regret, guilt, etc.), our protected, inner-most thoughts and feelings are exposed for everyone to see and ultimately judge. However, with this possibility also comes the possibility of the sharing of compassion and love from those who truly care about us leading me to the importance of honesty with what or whom we are grieving. Communication can prove to be extremely valuable when coping with grief. Giving words to those thoughts and feelings that one is protecting can prove to open the door of healing.

About Cassandra

My name is Cassandra. I graduated from the University of Tennessee, Knoxville in 2004 with a Bachelor of Arts degree in Psychology. In May 2008, I graduated from East Tennessee State University (ETSU) with a Master of Arts degree in Community Agency Counseling. I am currently working with a grant-funded program that assists pregnant women in east Tennessee throughout the smoking cessation process. I also enjoy teaching as an adjunct faculty member at ETSU therefore I plan to go on to receive my doctorate in the near future so I can teach full-time. In my free time, I enjoy camping, hiking, and biking. I love nature and enjoy living so close to the Smokey Mountains National Park. I enjoy working for social justice in all areas of my life. Quilting is a hobby that also provides me with peace and serenity.